Letting Go
by RoxasSerenity
Summary: Set after CoS  the movie  so expect spoilers. The consequences of Mustang's actions have been driving a wedge between himself and Hawkeye. He hadnt realized just how far apart they were until it was too late. NOT A DEATH FIC! ANGST ALERT!


_This was originally my first which, I'm sad to say, I started three months ago and never finished. Its now 2.30 in the morning, I dont know the word count, but its quite long and WordPad doesnt have spellcheck so theres probably A LOT of mistakes. PLEASE dont tell about them, thats all I ask._

_Had a nice chat with some of the Risembool Rangers a few days ago, that was fun._

_SPOILERS: Mostly for the movie, maybe the end of the first series too. I'm thinking straight right now._

_DISCLAIMER: They belong to Hiromu Arakawa, not me. I sure wish I had a talent like that though._

_(*^($%T&(&U^$%T&$()$*^_

It had been a long month, but things in Central and Leor were beginning to drift back into some sense of normal, the city had almost been rebuilt and Roy Mustang had reclaimed his title as the Flame Alchemist.

It had also been a month since Riza Hawkeye had spoken to him.

"Look on the bright side. She hasnt tried to shoot you yet."

"Thats beside the point Havoc."

"Ah! What do you know Fuery?"

"I'd let her shoot me if it meant she looked in my direction." To say the guy hated rain, he sure was acting gloomy.

"To be honest Colonel, taking off to the north without notice was a pretty stupid idea."

"Not to mention, the whole 'Only room for one' stunt was the closest we've ever seen you to suicidal."

All Mustang could think to do was sigh. After he'd lost his eye, she'd stood by him and helped him back on his feet. Hell, she'd cried because she thought he was dead. Things between them had been going so well that everyone was under the assumption that they were a couple, then he'd pulled the whole "I'm dropping my alchemy and moving up north alone" thing and she hadnt been able to look at him since. What happened last month had only added fuel to the fire.

Mustang closed his eyes and sighed again. He'd really screwed up.

Breda burst through the door, dragging Sheska in tow, in a hurried flush. If he didnt know any better, Havoc would swear that the guy was pissed and Sheska looked unusually depressed. All eyes became the size of pie plates when Mustang landed on the floor.

"Just what the hell is wrong with you Breda?"

"Me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Lieutenant Hawkeye has been hiding in the bathroom for the past twenty minutes." Sheska was uncharacteristically quiet and she fiddled with her hands. "And she might be crying."

Every jaw in the room dropped. They muttered among themselves at the absurdity of Riza Hawkeye, the best sharp shooter in the military, was actually in tears, but Mustang sat staring at the floor, his mind travelling at a million miles an hour. He'd more than screwed up this time. Breda smacked him upside the head to shake him from his thoughts.

"Will you knock that off?"

"Stop staring at the carpet. You created this problem, get your ass up and fix it."

(&%($(&%($(%$%(&$%

She'd done it again. She berated herself for shredding more innessasary tears over that idiot and this time, she was certain she'd been caught, by Sheska of all people, who'd then told Breda, who was probably telling everyone else.

When he'd packed up his desk and told them all he was being posted up north, she could feel him practically ripping her heart from her chest. She couldnt even bring herself to say goodbye, instead choosing to hide behind work in an attempt to fight off the growing depression, but not even Black Hayate had been help with that. Her sleep became limited and her appitite had diminished completely until she'd collapsed while moving paperwork with Fuery. Armstrong had then insisted that she stay with his family so they could keep an eye on her and she'd gradually begun to move on.

She'd actually been releaved to see him until he'd left her behind because there was "only room for one." Now she back where she started, wondering if he had ever actually cared at all and kicking herself for letting herself fall this far. She splashed cold water on her face in an attempt to cover her tear tracks, observing the pale, almost dead-like, face that stared back at her. _Look how far you've come Riza. All that way and you've ended up right back where you started._

Straightening her uniform, she exited the bathroom, only to crash into the chest of the man she was trying to avoid.

"I apologize sir, I wasnt paying attention to where I was walking."

"No it was my fault."

"You are aware that you were about to walk into the women's bathroom sir."

"What? I mean, yes I was aware of that. I was actually on my way to find you. You've been gone for a while now and I was...concerned."

"Thats...nice sir. I must return to my paperwork now sir." Attempting to hide her tears of the last ten minutes, she pushed her shoulders back and began to make her way back to the office. On impulse, he reached out and caught her wrist.

"Please let go of me sir."

"I've been back a whole month. I get that we've been busy rebuilding Central but you havent said a word."

"_You _left. Two years and I didnt hear a single word. I didnt know even know that you'd gone until I showed up at your apartment and you werent there. So dont you _dare _throw this back on me." Before he could fully comprehend what she was saying, Hawkeye made her best effort to out as much distance between the two of them without running.

(&$%(%$&(%($&(

The air was tense, the room was silent and the team was hanging on the edge of their seats, waiting for the Lieutenant to finally blow. And judging by the way she was harshing digging into the papers she was signing, it was only a matter of time. Even Hayate seemed upset by his master's mood, choosing to hide under Fuery's desk for safety.

"Something wrong Sargent?" Fuery looked like he was about to cry.

"N..no sir. I...I was just wondering where Hayate's leash was." Reaching into her desk draw, she pulled out the leather leash and thrust her hand out in his direction, never once taking her eyes away from her desk top. With a trembling hand, he took it, both dog and man scrambling out as quickly as possible. Breda, Falman and Havoc quickly followed suit, mumbling something about lunch. Mustang continued to attempt his work, reading with one eye was giving him a headache, but he dare not say anything.

Ten minutes were filled with no sounds other than the scratching on pen on paper. He began to fidget, rolling his wrist to circulate the blood when Hawkeye's pen snapped, spilling ink everywhere.

"Dammit."

Pulling a handkerchief from his pocket, he dared to stand beside her and help attempt to clean up the mess.

"I dont think I've ever heard you curse before."

"I seem to be doing it a lot lately." Her response was curt, though it surprised him that she answered at all. They continued to clean in silence until he couldnt take it anymore.

"I'm sorry." She stopped at the sudden apology but still refused to look at him. "I should have told you before I left. I'm an arrogant jerk because I didnt think about how this would affect you until it was too late. I know you'll never forgive me, and if you want me to leave again, I will.-"

"You are a jerk. But for some messed up reason, I _dont _want you leave. I thought you were dead, that day at the Fuhrer's, I've never felt so helpless in my life. When you woke up, I thought it meant a second chance. Maybe I was being naive, wanting something I know was beyond my reach, only to figure out far too late that I was in way over my head." She continued to stare down, feeling him watching her. "I've requested a transfer, back to Eastern command."

"What?"

"Central is almost rebuilt and I'm no use here. Not anymore. I'm sorry though."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because I cant keep my promise."

Her desk was empty a week later.

^$*&^$&(*^%**(^*^%$$##****

She stared at the train now pulling into Central station, suitcase at her feet, Hayate in her arms and a something unidentifiable pulling at her heart.

"I'm doing the right thing. Right?" The puppy simply whined. "What the hell_ am _I doing Hayate?"

The boys had held a small going away party the night before, at which Havoc had gotten drunk and rambled about not having anything nice to look at after she left, Fuery had spent the entire time talking to Hayate and Breda and Falman had tried to talk her out of it. Mustang hadnt shown at all.

"As insightful as he is, I doubt even Hayate has an answer." Hawkeye gasped at the sudden presence of the last person she thought she'd actually see.

"General!"

"You seem surprised."

"You werent there yesterday."

"I'm not good with good byes."

"So you thought you'd see me off instead?"

"Maybe I was naive enough to think I could talk you into staying." He turned to look at her, taking quick notice of her appearance. "You cut your hair."

She unconciously reached back to run her fingers through the short, prickly strands on the back of her head and shrugged.

"Needed a change I guess. I've been meaning to do it for a while now, I just couldnt bring myself to."

"I liked it long. Its a shame."

"It'll grow back. I guess." The train conductor yelled that it boarding time.

"This is really it huh?"

"Yeah." She unconciously squeezed Hayate a little tighter.

"Do you really to go?"

"I think a little distance might do us some good. At least until I can figure everything out."

"For our sake? Or yours?"

"Why are you doing this?" Mustang looked at the floor.

"I dont want you to leave."

"You think I _want _to leave?"

"Then why are you leaving?"

"I dont know!" She took a few shaky breaths to calm down. "I dont know. Roy, I..." The loud whistle of the train covered the rest of her sentence and began slowly pulling out of the platform. _Now or never._ Not giving herself time to rethink or hesitate, Hawkeye grabbed the lapel of Mustang's jacket and pressed a rough kiss to his lips. She stayed there long enough without giving him time to respond, just a few seconds to forget that the past two years had never happened. Feeling his eye close against her cheek, she practically ripped herself away and without looking back, jumped into the nearest door of the train.

She quickly found a seat beside the window and leant against it, watching the world go by. Only when they were safely out of Central did she cuddle Hayate even closer and allowed herself to cry.

(&$(^(%&$(*%%$^*$(

He was numb. In all honesty, he had been for the past two weeks. No one questioned why. He hadnt spoken a word either, merely grunting or shrugging in response to anything that was directed at him. He just did his paperwork in silence. Unable to stand it any longer, the boys walked out, uncaring if their "leader" had heard they were going to lunch or not.

"I know this has been hard on him, but this is beyond rediculous. We all miss her." Fuery turned out to what they were saying, hearing a familiar bark in the distance.

"Hey guys? Can you hear that?" There it was again.

"Is that a dog?" And again.

"I know that bark." A small, black and white dog appeared to be running towards them. Tongue out, he charged into the awaiting arms of Fuery, lapping up the provided attention he was recieving. "Its Black Hayate."

"But that means..." Every eye returned to the corridor where sure enough, a familiar figure stood watching them. Havoc was the first to run forward, lifting her off the ground as he squeezed her into a hug.

"Jean I cant breath."

"Sorry." He placed her back on her feet. "We thought we'd never see you again."

"Change of plans I guess."

"You sticking with us this time?"

"Yeah." Breda grinned widely while daring to ruffle her hair. They stood, reveling in the moment until Breda's stomach made itself heard.

"Way to ruin the moment Breda."

"Cant you keep that thing quiet for ten minutes?"

"Knock it off guys, it was an accident!" Havoc, Breda and Falman continued on their way to the cafeteria, Fuery turned to her.

"Are you not coming?"

"I have to sort something out first. Feel free to take Hayate with you though, this shouldnt take too long." With a smile and a salute, the pair quickly caught up with the group.

(W%(*&%&($&%$&(%&$

Everyone had left ten minutes ago, but Mustang couldnt bring himself to try and eat something. Why bother when he'll only throw it up again? Instead, he took out a blank sheet of paper and began to doodle.

"There's more productive things you could be doing with your time sir."

"Finished the paperwork an hour ago. There's nothing else to do until the...others...return." That wasnt the boys coming back from lunch. That wasnt even a _guy._ _It cant be! _

He raised his head, just to be sure. Sure enough, stood in the open doorway, dressed in her military issue blues, was none other, than Riza Hawkeye. He stood up so quickly he knocked his chair over.

"But I thought..."

"I couldnt do it. My grandfather let me stay with him until I could get settled, but I couldnt bring myself to go to work. I've spent the last two weeks trying to figure what I'm supposed to do, and it led me right back here."

In record time, he had crossed the room and pulled her into a warm hug. Overcoming the shock, she returned his embrace, resting her head on his shoulder and breathing in the unique scent that was him.

"Please dont leave again."

"Only if you dont." Pulling away, she remembered the sheet of paper hidden in her jacket. "My grandfather wanted me to give you this." Unfolding it, he scanned the page and let out a brief laugh.

"He sure has a weird sense of humor, I'll give the old man that."

"What?"

_By Order of Fuhrer Grahman(?), all military fraternization laws are hereby abolished. _Was typed in the usual fancy type, underneath which, was a handwritten note addressed to Mustang

_Due an old man proud and marry my granddaughter already._

"Knew I have read the thing first."

"Doesnt sound like a bad idea though."

"Try not to screw it up first, then we'll talk."

Sharing a few brief kisses, they made their way to join their comrades for lunch, walking toward a (hopefully) bright future. Together.

_**FINI**_


End file.
